Toddler at 15th month.

I kept telling husband that I don't want another baby now as I know I won't be able to cope to have another young kid in my life.

While their adorableness could instantly kill all the negative feelings at other times, but ensuring the tiny human to be well all the time is difficult and require sacrifice in terms of personal freedom and comfort emotionally, and even financially.

Having a child at the age of 27, a span of lifetime where I just graduated and start enjoying my income, is a bit too much at this modern age.  It is worsened when I am surrounded with unmarried colleagues who might see my routine going back home at sharp 5pm everyday for baby is mere excuse and irresponsible. I do feel bad when I have to repetitively turn their invites down for happy hour after work.

My priority is to spend as much time with baby as almost 80 per cent of my days are already being spared in works matter. Our children will grow fast without we realise it, there will be time where she suddenly become independent..when she is there, I want her to receive full love and good care from me.

Personal comfort...I would like to relate it to sleep at ease. It has been 420 days that I have been sleeping with a lot of wakes up in the middle of nights. As I am accustomed to breastfeed her while laying down, it should be easy for us to get more sleeps. But, when it comes to days I am feeling unwell, it is killing me for not being able to rest as I wish. I just have to bear the discomfort  while nursing and help baby to fall and stay asleep.

Other than that, I lost the convenience of focusing in church. Most of the time, I just have to watch out on her, making sure she is comfortable and not shouting while the mass is ongoing. Not only that, I have to stop watching my favorite dramas at home as she nowadays would stare at the television regardless what are being played. Bedtime reading is even a rare occassion as the lights have to be out by 830pm to encourage her sleep.

Some might query why Wont I sleep-train toddler to get my personal time? Her daddy doesn't like the crying sound, he said the training also gave chance for toddler to learn shrieking, which will damage her vocal chords.

On toddler's safety, I rely much on babysitter who happened to be my cousin. Although she has had bad experience-pregnancy out of wedlock- but that doesn't stop her from pursuing love from ANYBODY! How am I not worried when she has that childish thought that "reliable" partner can be sought via social network, as only very small number could make it a dream comes true! But it is still my fault that she doesn't have a regular platform such as consistent church meetings, or any class on regular day of the week to meet and get to know someone better before they advance in relationship.

As I said that she is my sole people I could trust in babysitting my precious daughter, I lay my praying hands to God to grant her safety and wisdom in life so that I could feel better living days relying her in caring toddler.