Unboxing the sad memory within the brain box.

Grey's anatomy season 12 is all about recalling memories. It says it is very unique on how the brain arranges memories on different people.

The saying makes sense to me when an ex, perhaps the first love, approached me again recently.

The so-called relationship happened when I was 16. I was intrigued that the four years senior at school wanted me to become his girlfriend. 

We went out for only one date and bade farewell two days later as the ex departed to Indonesia for a five years of sailor course.

During the farewell, he asked me to wait for him to come back and gave a cheek kiss.

He looked sincere and I was naive. I had foolishly believed we could withstand the long distance relationship for 5 years. 

For almost a year, I had been hopeful on the relationship...until his then girlfriend broke the news that I became third party between them.

I got the scolding and thought it was so unfair to me. Thus I would be mad whenever he wished me happy birthday every year. I even blocked his number but strangely he kept on changing phone numbers to get through me.

The memory of above faded over time. I didn't remember most of the details until that ex recalled it for me during a recent conversation in social chat app.

I decided to entertain him as I thought I really get over everything. The decision to converse with him was also supported by the fact that I should treat everyone better.

But I underestimate the consequence! The memory of me putting high hope  but left abandoned was too much. I was indeed upset by the incidence, yet, I swept everything under a carpet. I guess it is the way for human being to move on for better live.

Entertaining him evoked the ultimate sadness...and I did cry over it at night because its painful. I just needed to cry it out hopefully would make me feel better and stronger.

Despites the heartache, I still chatted with him so that he wont feel guilty over the harm he did to me. He had been apologising it since the betrayal. I shall let him feel better.

I guess he gets it that I no longer "feel hurt" or mad. Again, I blocked his number again. He should just live his newly wed life and forget about me once and for all. I am not interested to be his friend nor burden.

On my side, I just hope the time can once again help me to heal from the inflicted pain. If only husband is around, it might be less painful as he knows how to make me feel better instantly.

But still lucky to have a cuddly toddler to hug at night and definitely will feel better the next day.