The government is imposing another round of Movement Control Order in the state following the surge of new Covid-19 cases.
I pulled through the initial three-month of staying and working from home most of the time, of course with a primary school student in tow.
But, I realised that the stress from the so-called new norms by confining myself at home is actually taking a toll to my mental health.
I thought I would be okay but did not realise the building up from one to another stressors could lead to insomnia for almost a week.
The nature of my work is supposed to be outside a building, but as husband works at a hospital, I have the responsibility to ensure I don't bring the infection to home due to my job demand.
Touch wood, if 7-year-old daughter or I get the infection, the recovery chances for us are higher but husband should not be exposed as it would affect the hospital institution.
Some more, without schooling, I am obliged to look after daughter at home. It is out of the question to send her to a childcare centre nor exposing my elderly parents.
When I could not fully perform my work, it leads to anxiety that the superior at headquarters would not be happy. Thus, a lot of work is being conducted via online.
Juggling too many roles while working from home.
The sudden shift of FULL responsibility in guiding in her education put a strain on me, too. I believe that every working adults has their own responsibility in this society. The world before Covid-19 is working parents could rely on school institution to provide education at least for half day. But now, my time has to be divided. In other words, I have to finish my work as soon as possible to meet the demand.
Out of the boredom, the kid always resort to gadget for Youtube and gaming. It is not something that husband and I keen for her to spend time like that, it is also bad for the eyes.
I am also a cook, for three meals. It is not like I can serve my easy to prepare meals such as salads, oats for the kid and the father. When it comes to cooking, it also means cleaning.
But, I am thankful that husband is not the kind of very particular that everything has to be in order.
Reading news and social media exacerbate the mental wellbeing
Keeping tabs with the news and daily figure on Covid-19 cases are just too much, especially when the number is increasing even it has almost been one month.
The frustration is compounded when I get to know that some of the high cases are contributed by selfish people who flouted the restriction on no social gathering. Despite the "invasion" of this Covid-19 has been a year, but people still yet to learn about the basic wear mask, no physical contact, wash hands among others.
People are ignorant and they really think that Covid-19 would spare them from being infected. But, it turns out they become carrier and spreading the virus to more people.
People died out of the blue.
It is hard not to notice that everyday we are fed with news that several people died suddenly with just one or two days of symptoms. Young and old. It is bizarre. Their Covid-19 results came out negative.
Some said that the nature is balancing the human population, but isn't that many have died from Covid-19. How much more "it" has to reduce?
Talking about losing loved ones, it might happen to me, too. And I am torn with such situation as I am trying my best not to expose my parents as I might have it too. It has been months since I meet them.
Financial uncertainties.
During this volatile economic situation, anyone might lose their jobs and incomes. Although I am still employed at the time of writing, it bugs me a lot when people asking for donations.
How many can I help? There are too many. I did give once or thrice depending on my certainty at the time of donation. But, as my line of work helps to spread words, I really hope that it could help to reach out those with more money and job securities to help out.
I, myself, have my insecurities as I am one that could lose my job anytime since everyone is calling it a sunset industry.
There are also times that I felt extremely guilty for using money for own sake- lunch that costs RM30 for two persons, subscribe business magazine, or buy slimming and skincare products.
Why? cos there are organisers trying to convince me that I could actually save a life of patient with kidney failure in a month with the amount of money I spent one day for my meal.
Looking at some people posting their struggle ie saving money by buying a dog food worth RM2.30/kg as compared to mine about RM20.kg also make me feel bad.
Those situations make me feel like I have no rights to "enjoy" the money I earn, I should not buy things that are beyond "acceptable" by those who could not afford it during this time.
Did I pull through?
I think so. It was hard. I never had any problems sleeping at night. Despite the strenuous exercises, my mind just could not shut off and I did experience some somatic pains over the body.
A lot of meditation and listening to soothing music, and a big cry in front of husband eventually helped.
His words really helped in telling me that it is okay not to be a superwoman, to be caring less of others, and spending money for local products actually help a lot of people and etc.
I am glad that I did not require any medication or fall sick because of the turbulence emotions.
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