Are you nervous or excited?

My answer will usually be…neither one.

I am already on 33th week with another 45 days more to wait for the baby’s coming. To visualize how long that is will be like seeing the figures in bank account increases twice. It is definitely a long way to go.

Meanwhile, instead of focusing whether I should be nervous or excited on this matter. I actually have a long to-d0-list to be completed prior to Bree’s arrival.

a)   I have yet able to find/ascertain that someone could take good care of me while I am in a month-long of confinement period. Husband has been worried that there would be any complication such as arthritis or other illness that might befall on me should there’s no good care of me towards that period.

b)  A nanny that will be available to babysit our baby when I need to be back to work. Husband and I have very irregular working hour. It makes us difficult to find someone who is compatible with it. The search has been taking place for at least two weeks, and it seems that locals in Sabah have been very reluctant to babysit despites higher pay has been offered to them. They are more willing to work as a clerk, waitress and etc.

c)   Money. I am not sure whether my current earning will be enough to raise Bree. As I am having the opportunity to get more from money other source, I should have put focus on that as backup on rainy day.

I think I will be excited when Bree finally arrive as a real and moving baby in the world where I can play with her. Of cause I am hoping that she is in the pink of health as recently my obs was again mumbling a contradicting statement during Bree’s ultrasound screening. He was telling me that Bree’s digestive system appeared to be brighter which usually indicated that the baby is not growing well. “But, your baby is growing well so we can ignore it”. And, after 5 seconds, he told me again that he would look into the case again on my next visit.

Nervous?I will reserve that when laboring sign starts showing as I will have 10 hours to suffer the pain and other inconveniences.

Other than that, this 33th week pregnancy also a revelation on how much my family particularly parents have been ignorance or avoidance in assuming the norms of babysit their first grandchild. I got it, I am a middle child and will definitely be treated that way.

 But on the bright side, it is husband who sticks by myside to assure me that everything will be alright. He is the one who wiped my tears when I am in depression grieving about the matter. And, yeah, his smiling face really rejoiced me instantly.

Dear Bree, you have a good daddy. Must treasure him.