I am afraid to be home alone in a big city.
I have always pretending that I could cope with the fact to live in this big city, Kuala Lumpur.
Along this one year of survivorship here, I had made myself more alert with the surrounding- holding my bag tight, walking very fast, wearing dull and old clothes and etc. As sometimes I came back quite late at night because of my work. The street going back home is a bit dark and infamous for high crime rate (nowabdays, more people are walking back and thanks to police officers to patroling the area at every interval hour).
That was the everynight fear that I have to overcome while on the way back home. Sometimes, I felt and wished there would be someone to call and assure my safety. Used to have one, who told me to turn down the overnight for the sake of my security...but it was just a history.
At home, as I was renting a room, and staying alone at the whole unit. Occassionally, I would scared of noises like door-knocking, things dropping and etc as I thought it could be someone trying to break-in that place. As a defense (or being paranoid), I put a scissors under my bed.
The fear is intensified when recently the New Straits Times highlighted series but unrelated cases on murder of single ladies who is staying alone at home. I was thinking those cases might involve a psychopathic.
I remember I got sick very frequent during my University life which I believe is due to psychological matter-homesick and culture shock. But, I was lucky as the hospital university is within walking distance from the hostel. Plus, I had seniors who were doctor/nurse-to-be around me.
And it was totally different at here. My surrounding was unfavorable for me to get sick. Therefore, I began taking Vitaminc C, fruit juices, drink tonnes of water, sleep early, and even had a "First-aid kit" with Panadol, charcoal, anti-gastritic pills, flu and etc. I even prayed hard so I would not sick and eventually had to get admit in hospital. I really have no one to visit me there.
My other back-up plan was by fostering good relationship with my neighbour by "bribing" them with goodie bags containing food, pendrive, books, others. In case I need emergency help in any aspects...(At this time, I am supposed to go there for BBQ session. But I'm shy, as it's a family get together session).
I also bribed the security guard with the hope they won't disturb me. (I suspect they have keys to every house for "Security: purpose).
Being alone, and have to drive my car everywhere, give me a shiver in the bones, literally. Anything could happen on the road...I have no idea on who can I depend on to save damsel in distress. Until now, I don't know what number to dial for the toll car. Again, I was just praying hard that nothing will happen.
Perhaps asking for transfer back to hometown with family and future husband will make me feel better. Another one week, I hope the final few days here will be fine.
Along this one year of survivorship here, I had made myself more alert with the surrounding- holding my bag tight, walking very fast, wearing dull and old clothes and etc. As sometimes I came back quite late at night because of my work. The street going back home is a bit dark and infamous for high crime rate (nowabdays, more people are walking back and thanks to police officers to patroling the area at every interval hour).
That was the everynight fear that I have to overcome while on the way back home. Sometimes, I felt and wished there would be someone to call and assure my safety. Used to have one, who told me to turn down the overnight for the sake of my security...but it was just a history.
At home, as I was renting a room, and staying alone at the whole unit. Occassionally, I would scared of noises like door-knocking, things dropping and etc as I thought it could be someone trying to break-in that place. As a defense (or being paranoid), I put a scissors under my bed.
The fear is intensified when recently the New Straits Times highlighted series but unrelated cases on murder of single ladies who is staying alone at home. I was thinking those cases might involve a psychopathic.
I remember I got sick very frequent during my University life which I believe is due to psychological matter-homesick and culture shock. But, I was lucky as the hospital university is within walking distance from the hostel. Plus, I had seniors who were doctor/nurse-to-be around me.
And it was totally different at here. My surrounding was unfavorable for me to get sick. Therefore, I began taking Vitaminc C, fruit juices, drink tonnes of water, sleep early, and even had a "First-aid kit" with Panadol, charcoal, anti-gastritic pills, flu and etc. I even prayed hard so I would not sick and eventually had to get admit in hospital. I really have no one to visit me there.
My other back-up plan was by fostering good relationship with my neighbour by "bribing" them with goodie bags containing food, pendrive, books, others. In case I need emergency help in any aspects...(At this time, I am supposed to go there for BBQ session. But I'm shy, as it's a family get together session).
I also bribed the security guard with the hope they won't disturb me. (I suspect they have keys to every house for "Security: purpose).
Being alone, and have to drive my car everywhere, give me a shiver in the bones, literally. Anything could happen on the road...I have no idea on who can I depend on to save damsel in distress. Until now, I don't know what number to dial for the toll car. Again, I was just praying hard that nothing will happen.
Perhaps asking for transfer back to hometown with family and future husband will make me feel better. Another one week, I hope the final few days here will be fine.
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